


Digital Drabbles

by krossartist



Series: First Order IT [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, F/M, I will never mark this as complete because I cannot guarantee that I will stop writing in this AU, IT Guy Kylo, Mechanic Rey, The red string of Fate is a phone line, because the author lives for that shit, but each chapter is complete in its own right, may the snark be with you, patches. so many patches, the author writes like a quilter makes blankets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krossartist/pseuds/krossartist
Summary: A series of phone calls between a mechanic and her corporate IT designee.Bonus scenes for First Order IT
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: First Order IT [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588954
Comments: 74
Kudos: 440





	1. Create An Account (The First Call)

**Author's Note:**

> I just love writing these two talking together so HERE WE ARE with more Rey the Mechanic having conversations with her IT designee Kylo.  
> I have no idea how many there will be. So far I have... five? possible chapters for these drabbles. Not all of them are done, but they exist.
> 
> The main story of First Order IT was done and posted well before I even had the idea to write these scenes, so that narrative does not depend on these. They're just fun extras...
> 
> A shout out and thank you to [Chridder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chridder/pseuds/Chridder) for unending love, support, and recommendation of this work. You make me feel appreciated <3 If y'all haven't read Chridder's work, GO DO IT.
> 
> Feel free to yell at me on Tumblr  
> [theeamazingem](https://theeamazingem.tumblr.com/)  
> Dedicated Star Wars Side Blog  
> [itsagreyjediarea](https://itsagreyjediarea.tumblr.com/)

"First Order IT, can I get your user ID?" The tech who answered Rey's call had a deep, rumbling voice that sounded almost mechanical as he spoke the greeting he probably says a hundred times a day.

"Oh, um… hold on, where did I put that sticky note-"

"No, no, take your time," he drawled. Rey felt the hair on her neck bristle in embarrassment and annoyance.

"Can't you just look it up by the name?"

"We have way too many employees in this nation wide company for me to waste energy trying to figure out which of a thousand Brittany Smiths you are."

"My name isn't Brittany," she snapped. "For fucks sake, where is that bloody note-"

"...but it _is_ Smith, isn't it?" he asked with a cocky lilt that brought his voice to life.

"Well now I'm not telling," she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm despite him being right. Sort of. Her legal name _is_ Rey Smith. It's doubtful that was the name she was born with, but she may never know the truth. "The account is for Simon Plutt."

"You don't sound much like a Simon."

"I'm not, I'm just using his access. A-HAH! It's UNK4-dash-V11."

"You don't have to say 'dash,' they all have the dash. Geeze, what is this, your first day?"

"Fourth."

"Awww, a precious baby. Welcome to the First Order, now what do you need me to fix?"

"My computer is frozen."

The tech sighed with a depth of exasperation that sounded like the breath was drawn from the winds of hell themselves before he asked, "Have you tried turning it off and back on again."

"Well… no…"

"Do that."

"But-"

"It fixes ninety percent of all computer problems, just turn the dumb thing off."

"I can't turn it off!"

He sighed again. "It's the big circle button on the computer tower. Now the _tower_ is not the part that has the pictures on it-"

"I know the difference between a screen and a tower, you arse, I'm not stupid."

"Could've fooled me, Brittany."

"Stop calling me Brittany."

"Stop sounding British."

"Are you… are you seriously making fun of my accent by calling me _Brittany?!"_

"If the shoe fits. Now turn the damn thing off."

"No!"

"Brittany, I don't have time for you to be a dumbass all afternoon."

"Beg my fucking _pardon?!_ You listen here, you insensitive twat-waffle-"

_"What-"_

"I got dumped in this office by some elephant seal of a man who is currently _snoring on the couch behind me_ and if I don't have these reports done by the end of the day- reports I came in early to work on and have spent the past _six hours_ perfecting when I could've been inhaling the sweet, sweet scent of motor oil- this sad excuse of what I think is supposed to be a human being is going to rip this job out from under my feet. So no, I am not going to turn off the _fucking computer_ and lose all my progress. Find. Another. Fix. _Fuckhead."_

The line was quiet for long enough she would have thought he'd hung up on her if she couldn't hear him breathing. Eventually he let out yet another a heavy sigh and she heard the clattering sound of keys in the background.

"Stay on the line."

"Thank you."

"Snarky bitch."

_"What_ did you call me?"

"Snarky-" A box appeared on her screen unbidden, lines of text filling it in waves. _"-Bitch."_

The cursor moved of its own accord, and before she could even put her hands on the mouse, a dialogue box appeared to save the documents she had open, rescuing her work from the edges of oblivion.

"Voi-fucking-la," he growled into the mic. "May you never call me again."

"Thanks, _Fuckhead."_

The line clicked dead aggressively. Rey threw the phone into the cradle and got back to work.


	2. First Attempt Failed; Please Try Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Call number two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for workplace sexual harassment.  
> It's brief, but still... fair warning.
> 
> The snark will make it better.

"First Order IT, what's your user ID?"

A shiver ran down Rey's spine as she recognized the voice on the other end of the line. Three weeks later and it still haunted her.

"Aah," she paused to clear her throat, trying to disguise her accent. Which she sucked at. "Can I talk to a different technician?"

There was a pause before he responded, the answer sounding like a question. "No?"

"Why?" she asked desperately.

"Well, one, that's not how IT or the world works. Two, everyone else in my department is on a call. And three, _no."_

"Oh for fucks sake," Rey hissed under her breath, voice going back to normal.

"Is this Niima Outpost?" Fuckhead asked with a laugh edging his words.

"Glad to know you remember me," she grumbled.

"I'd be hard pressed to forget you, _Snarky Brit."_

"That's _Bitch_ to you, Fuckhead," she stated as poshly as she could. "Can I _please_ just talk to someone else?”

“I’ll say it again, clearly for you, since you obviously didn’t hear me well the first two times. _No.”_

_“Fine.”_

There was only one course of action to take, then.

She hung up.

Rey gave it a solid five minutes. She walked around the building, did deep breathing exercises, grabbed a drink of water. Her computer problem had failed to magically resolve itself in her absence- not surprising, since it was a hardware issue this time- so she picked up the phone again. Surely, a different technician would be available by now.

“First Order IT, user ID please.”

_“Fuck.”_

A deep, rumbling laughter came through the line. “Hello again, Snarky.”

“Am I being punked? Is that a thing here?”

“I think you’re just that lucky.”

“And you’re quite sure this isn’t a one-man department?”

“I’m putting you on speaker.” There was a click, then his voice came through slightly farther away than usual. “Say ‘hi’ to Snarky everyone!”

Rey was greeted with a chorus of “hello’s”, “hi Snarky’s,” and one particularly entertaining “fuck off, tosser,” from a fellow Brit.

“I’m really quite tempted to hang up and try again.”

“Go for it.”

She did.

“First Order-”

“You’ve got to be fucking _kidding_ me!”

“I think we might be linked by destiny,” he said dryly.

“The Law of Surprise can go fuck itself." He gave a surprised bark of laughter at her response. "Patch me through to the Fate department. I’d like to file a complaint.”

“Sorry, Snarky, no refunds on soulmates. Now, you obviously didn’t call for my charming personality, so let’s get down to business.”

“Fighting the Huns would be preferable, at least I actually know how to use a bow staff. Plutt managed to trip over the computer wires and then proceeded to remove _more_ wires, for whatever reason, that I can only fathom as either an attempt to begin fixing things or to make my life more difficult. Now _everything_ is unplugged and I have no idea how to reassemble this.”

“You called me to walk you through setting up a computer?”

“Well it’s not like I can Google it when the damn thing is dead to the world.”

“Out of data on your cell phone?”

“No cell phone. Now just get me through this, would you? I’m putting you on speaker so I can get under the desk.”

“It’s basically just that toddler game of matching the correctly shaped plug to the correctly shaped hole.”

“Half of them are all USB shaped,” she hollered up at the phone, continuing the process of detangling wires that she'd started before calling IT.

He gasped theatrically. “You know what a USB is?”

"I will priority ship myself to corporate and strangle you with the mouse cord if you don't tell me where it goes."

"Don't be so dramatic," he sighed.

“I’m not being dramatic. _You’re_ being an ass. Geeze. Would it kill you to be nice for once in your life?”

“Why should I be nice? You obviously don’t need or want me to be nice. You answered the phone by saying ‘fuck you.’”

“I said you had to be fucking kidding me-”

“Close enough.”

“And _you_ called me a dumbass and said talking to me was a waste of your time.”

“You stuck on the ‘dumbass’ comment over the ‘Snarky Bitch’ nickname?”

“I prefer bitch over an affront to my intelligence. Bitches get shit done. Now let’s be bitches together so we don’t have to talk to each other anymore.”

"Finally, something we can agree on. Tell me what model computer you have and we can get to work."

After only a few scathing remarks about the age of the device and her backhand complimenting him on restraining himself, Fuckhead managed to find some hidden well of professionalism. It took only five minutes and an informative lesson on how many different cords were all called “USB” to get half of the system put back together.

“You know when you’re actually doing your job, you’re really quite good at it. It’s a pity you’re also an asshole.”

"And for my next trick I will make the last fuck I give _disappear,"_ he said dramatically.

"I'm surprised you can get away with cursing as much as you do. Don't The Powers That Be have the ability to record and listen to these phone calls?"

“If they fired us for swearing, there wouldn't be an IT department. I’m actually pretty tame compared to some of my coworkers.” Rey laughed, unconvinced. “We're notorious for employing talented assholes with no social skills."

"I'm really glad you're so self-aware."

"Thank you. Anyway, we have a House Rule appropriately and maturely referred to as ‘You Started It.’”

“So, as long as the caller swears first…”

“It’s open season, Bitch.”

As Rey got another cord into place, the “I’m functioning” blue light appeared on the device. It also sent a spark of electricity straight up her wrist from where her finger had touched a bit of exposed copper on the old, worn cord. She sucked in a gasp that was just short of a scream, exhaling a pained whimper.

"Snarky?"

_“Son of a cuck,”_ Rey hissed. Fuckhead mumbled something along the lines of "well that's a good sign," as she shook the tingling feeling out of her arm, then sucked on her fingertip, trying to soothe the burn with her tongue.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said around the finger in her mouth. “Just zapped myself on an exposed wire. Gimme a sec, I need to find some electrical tape before I end up killing myself.”

“Find the power strip and turn it off first.”

“The _one thing_ he didn’t manage to unplug,” she cursed, clicking it off. Rey ventured into the supply closet and located the tape- and band-aid- she needed. When she returned, her phone was making a rhythmic tapping sound. "I'm back."

The tapping stopped. “You gonna live?”

“Yeah. Jury’s still out on my boss, though.”

“I would literally pay money for a video of this. We should get you a webcam. ‘Tech Illiterate Mechanic Royally Destroys Computer and Murders Supervisor.’ You’d go viral for sure.”

“I'm not going to give you more ammo to berate me with by having a visual feed. Having to talk to you while I struggle on the floor with a pile of cords is painful enough.”

“I’m sure you’re quite adequate in other fields of expertise.”

“Careful, Fuckhead, that almost sounded like a compliment.”

"Don't let it go to your head."

The door to the garage slammed open, followed by Plutt's thudding footsteps as he entered the office.

"Hey sweet cheeks," he called. "Not that I don't appreciate the view, but how much longer is this project going to take?"

Rey hurried out from under the desk expressly to change _the view,_ leaning back against the desk and crossing her arms over her chest. "It'll take as long as it takes, Plutt. I'm working on it."

“Well get that little butt in gear and work on it faster. The longer you're screwing around in here, the later you're going to end up staying tonight finishing the real work you're not doing, especially since you decided to spend your lunch break playing with the computer instead of doing your actual job.”

Her jaw dropped as she looked for any hint he was joking about denying her time for food. She didn’t find one. “Are you kidding me?! I’ve spent the past half hour trying to fix _your_ mistake!”

"Keep it up with that smart mouth of yours and you're working Sunday, too." He reached out, motioning to either poke her nose or chuck her under the chin, but she ducked her head out of the way before he could make contact.

"Keep your hands off me, Plutt," she said, a warning in her tone.

"Sheesh, lighten up, sweet cheeks," he snickered, waddling back to the shop. "But I mean it about working late. I'm not one for keeping slackers employed, no matter how cute they might be. Hurry it up."

As the door slammed shut and the flurry of rage, disbelief, and exasperation flowed through her, Rey's only coherent thought was of the mountain of coursework waiting for her at home. Part-time schooling on top of more-than-full-time work was exhausting.

"I'm going to need so much coffee," she muttered, crawling back under the desk.

"Who was that asshole?" Fuckhead asked. She'd practically forgotten he was on the line, let alone on speaker and had heard the whole exchange.

"My supervisor."

"The elephant seal?"

"Yeah. Next cord I've got is an isosceles trapezoid with spikes on the inside? Same shape on both ends."

"That's an HDMI cable, it connects the monitor and tower. Does he usually talk to you like that?"

"Afraid he's going to invade your territory of dickishness? You'll have to learn to share."

“Did I hear him call you ‘sweet cheeks?’”

"Don't get any ideas, I definitely prefer you calling me bitch."

"What else does he say to you?" Fuckhead asked, in a low, flat tone that put her on edge. "Tell me."

"Sure, and maybe then we can discuss my childhood traumas," Rey said sardonically, shaking it off. "Just so you can be _fully_ equipped to pick at my psyche."

"Hey. I'm serious."

Rey took steady breaths as she adjusted the mouse cord so it wouldn't snag against the desk grommet. "It's nothing I can't handle. I'm not going to jeopardize a full time job with decent pay and benefits just because my lazy, sleazy boss talks to me the same way half the male population does," she said eventually. “Can we just finish this? Please?”

“Fine,” he sighed, picking up where he left off with what to do with the ethernet cable. The mess was finally looking like a solvable puzzle. Something she could fix. Fixing things was cathartic, and she needed that right now.

"Okay," Rey huffed as she got back to her feet. "All cords are connected at both ends, all devices have lights indicating they are successfully receiving power, and I have managed to turn the power strip back on without electrocuting myself. So what's next?"

"You turn it on and see if it works."

She mimicked his signature sigh. "Big circle button?"

"Big circle button."

Rey clicked it on, waiting as several lights changed color, the screen came to life, and the computer booted up without issue.

“Yes!” she crowed, shoving both fists into the air.

“You did it,” Fuckhead droned with absolutely zero joy in his tone. Until he heard the start-up music. "Is that Windows XP?" he asked, his voice breaking on a laugh.

"Hey, maybe next time you comment on my computer software, can you not make it sound like a personal choice? Just an idea."

"I mean I could, but where would the fun be in that?"

"You have weird ideas on what constitutes 'fun.'"

“Bitching is fun.”

“My opinion stands.” Rey sighed, looking over at the window that looked into the shop. “Well, now that that’s done, I have to get back to real work.”

“This _is_ real work. I, for one, am exhausted, and you sustained an injury. Sounds like work to me.”

“You know what I mean, Fuckhead.”

“I could always install a virus on your system if you wanted to stick around awhile longer. Would you prefer discount Russian cartoons or hot singles in your area?”

“As tempting as that sounds, you should be free to spread your cheer among the masses.”

“Like Santa?”

“I was thinking more like crop dusting. Or germ warfare.”

“I feel blessed. No one’s ever compared me to a military tactic before.”

“If anyone’s personality could be used to decimate millions, it would be yours.”

“You give me a decent run for my money, though.”

“I do my best. Bye, Fuckhead.”

“Bye, Bitch.”

The line clicked dead, but Rey stood there listening to the dial tone for a minute longer. She took a few deep breaths, steeled herself, then marched into the shop.

She was the bitch. And bitches get shit done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them.
> 
> This chapter comes with a mini game of "count the references" because these two are nerds and made for each other.
> 
> I think the hardest part of this chapter was writing Plutt as, like, a convincing schmuck that's not just Spaghetti Noodle Stereotypes thrown at the wall hoping they stick.
> 
> The next chapter will post in a week and will finish this arc!  
> Thanks for reading, friendlies!
> 
> Feel free to yell at me on Tumblr  
> [theeamazingem](https://theeamazingem.tumblr.com/)  
> Dedicated Star Wars Side Blog  
> [itsagreyjediarea](https://itsagreyjediarea.tumblr.com/)


	3. Your Password Has Expired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A third call and good news for Niima.

“First Order IT, what’s your user ID?”

“Well it _would_ be UNK4-V11, but that’s apparently gone on strike today.”

The man on the other end of the line sighed heavily. “Good morning, Snarky. I’m gonna put you on hold while I grab more coffee and Excedrin real quick. Something tells me I’m going to have a headache soon, so I may as well prepare for it.”

“Ten seconds in and you’re making my bad day worse. That’s got to be a new record for you.”

“Enjoy the hold music,” he bitched.

Fuckhead followed through on his threat and, probably to his displeasure, she _did_ enjoy the hold music.

“It sounds like the theme song to an ‘80s crime thriller,” Rey told him when he picked up again, a solid four minutes later.

“Let’s make this quick before I turn in to the serial killer starring in that crime thriller. What do you want?”

“Plutt's logins aren't working and I wanted to get a head-start on the expense reports due next week."

"Yeah, they're not going to work."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"While we’re here," he continued, ignoring her. "I'm pretty sure Phasma got your accesses active, so you should be able to get through payroll and expense reports next week without having to call me. Praise whatever being you hold holy for that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Phasma's the IT gal who deals with new accounts. As I’ve proved to you before and despite our dumb luck, I'm not actually the only one who works here."

"No, I mean what do you mean about me having active ones."

"Your program accesses? They all have different passwords, but your user ID is the same- except for the payroll one, put FO in front of your ID, they don't tell you that-

"I knew that, actually, but-"

"I hope you're taking notes. I only want to say this once and I _really_ don't want you to have to call me-"

"No, Fuckhead, shut up-"

"Look, I am trying to help you out of the goodness of my frozen heart here-"

"Plutt is in charge of those- okay, well, I do them, but I use his accounts. Only the branch manager is allowed to have computer access."

"Uh, yeah? That's why we got you set up?"

She was quiet for a long time, and then she heard him sigh, though it sounded more like a groan, as he came to the realization of what information he had given her that she definitely did not have before this conversation. Rey figured he was feeling that headache by now.

"Hey," he said, voice dragging. "Maybe _don't_ tell your boss a corporate HR rep is coming to fire him tomorrow? I just processed his account shut downs. That's why it's not working."

"They're _firing_ him? Why? Our numbers have gone up-"

"Yeah. Over the last two months. Which, based on the date of your 'fourth day' of employment when you first called me, probably doesn't have a lot to do with your boss's managerial skills."

"Then what grounds are they firing him on?"

"His termination was coded for harassment."

"But… but I didn't say anything."

"No, but he did." Fuckhead's voice took on a mechanical tone again, like the first time she'd heard him speak. _"'These calls may be recorded for quality and training purposes.'_ As well as used as evidence and grounds for termination."

_"You_ did this?"

"Look, Snarky," he said with _another_ sigh. "I’m not in a position of power over you, so we can bitch each other into migraines to our hearts content, but Plutt was out of line. So… yeah, I may have forwarded the audio file to HR."

"I could kiss you right now," she said, her voice breathy from shock at the entire situation.

He gave a startled laugh. "You what?"

"Sorry. Sorry, I meant... I didn't-"

"I mean, come on, ask me out properly first. I'm sure we'll have a _delightful_ time."

"Don't be a jerk."

"Ask me nicely," he said with fake seduction.

"Slime ball. Comment retracted, forget I said anything."

"Alright, alright," he chuckled.

"And I won't say anything to Plutt."

"Good. And congratulations on your promotion, I guess."

"Thanks, I guess," Rey mimicked.

"Grab a pen, I'm gonna get your user ID," he told her before she heard static and then his muffled shout. "Hey Phas! I've got Snarky on the line, what's Niima Outpost's new user ID?" He came back at a normal volume and asked, "You ready?"

"Shoot."

"K2SO-BB8. And that is the letter O, not a zero."

"B, B, 8," she mumbled to herself. "Got it."

"Well, this conversation has edged too close to cordial for my comfort, so it's a good thing your problem is solved. Again, user ID is the same across the board, your starting password is your eight-digit birthdate, and each one will prompt you to make new passwords when you log in. Got it?"

"Yep."

"Good. Don't call me next week. Have fun with your reign of terror."

Rey scoffed. "I will be a fair and benevolent ruler. Beautiful as the dawn, treacherous as the sea-"

"All shall love you and despair," he drawled. Rey grinned, secretly delighted he got the reference and impressed he could quote it, too.

"You're damn right."

"Well, if _you're_ on the throne, I guess that's my cue to sail off into the West. Toodles, Salty Bitch."

_"Salty_ bitch?"

"It suits you better, especially with that ID."

"Well yes, there's that change, but how _dare_ you address me without my proper title, IT peasant."

"My apologies. Toodles, _your Salty Majesty."_

"Better. You are dismissed."

"Ha ha ha."

*Click*

Rey grinned as she set the receiver in its cradle, side-eyeing Plutt through the window into the garage. He was harassing the new boy, Finn, pointing his meaty fingers around the room and watching the kid run. Not much longer now, though.

The king is dead.  
Long live the queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for this arc, friendlies! Hope you liked it!
> 
> There's a few more conversations between these dorks in the works, and I've got about twelve other WIPs for Rey and Ben, so it's anybody's guess what gets posted next.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr :)  
> [theeamazingem](https://theeamazingem.tumblr.com/)  
> Dedicated Star Wars Side Blog  
> [itsagreyjediarea](https://itsagreyjediarea.tumblr.com/)


End file.
